Published: 10 Jun 2016

10 things not to do with your holiday car rental

Check out our holiday car rental Infographic with 10 things not to do!


10 things not to do with your holiday car rental

When hiring a car for your summer holidays, it’s often temping to treat it with a certain amount of disrespect; to do things we would never normally do in our own cars. We would never advocate such behaviour, obviously!

1 Taking the car off-roading

The car isn’t yours but the off-road domain is, so get off the roads and put down that pedal for a rustic rumble through the countryside, forest and beaches. Check your rental conditions and then ignore them by aiming for the extra prestige gained by crashing through or driving into any of these; jetties; barns; farms; nature reserves; middle-class gardens; shopping centres; remote mountains; and swimming pools.

2 See how many people you can squeeze in

We’re always told that we should car-share where possible to save fuel and aid the environment, so morally we should have no qualms about squeezing 17 people into a Kia Picanto and driving from Barnsley to Torquay. Aim for contortionists and smaller people such as children for maximum density.

3 Drive over and splatter roadkill

No one wants to see a dead animal looking so tragic on the roadside – cold, alone, desolate. Better to make a statement of its passing by through its bloated corpse and revelling in the gorefest. Bonus marks for bagging lesser-splattered animals such as dog, elk, rhino and human, and posting the results on Instagram.

4 Fry an egg on the bonnet/engine

On a hot day there’s nothing better than pulling up in a lay-by, uncorking a bottle of vegetable oil, and frying an egg in the way nature intended; on the bonnet of a rented Mitsubishi Shogun. Additional kudos for boiling noodles in the radiator and spraying chili sauce from the windscreen washer.

5 Race the locals

One message to those fools who scream up and down your road late at night like idiots; welcome to the real races. Wait for the cocky swines to rock up and tear them a new exhaust in your rented, supercharged 1-litre Ford Fiesta. Your badass red-line revs (allied to careful consideration of all other road users) show that you rule the road now, and this is your kingdom.

6 Carry livestock

We’ve all felt like cattle in congested traffic; now it’s time to live the dream. Driving a cow, sheep, goat or 850kg Aberdeen Angus bull down the M5 in a SEAT Ibiza has never been done before, so here’s your chance to grab the bull by the horns and steer that steer!

7 Drive blindfolded instructed by a passenger

Sometimes in life a partner or friend needs to reach out and place a steady hand on your shoulder… before shrieking and pulling you away from the path of an oncoming articulated lorry somewhere near Bournemouth. Allowing a passenger to ‘be your eyes’ is the perfect pastime in a rental car, the unfamiliar controls add that little extra challenge to the event. Use only one had for ‘pro’ status.

8 Drive with huge souvenirs on the roof

Yes, it could fall off and smash into your friend’s car behind you, but this is a small price to pay for a glorious journey conducted with a chest of drawers, boat, or shed strapped to the top of your rental vehicle. Watch out for overhead bridges, telegraph lines, low-flying seagulls and first-floor balconies in small Italian streets.

9 Jump through the window of a moving car

Why enter a car through the door, when you can use the window instead (Duke of Hazzard-style)? Sure, the risk of broken bone carnage is high – shattered femur is a swine to clean out of the upholstery – but that perfect landing and the smug of someone who’s winning in life makes it all worthwhile.

10 Entertain the ladies

We all know the way to seduce a lady; flowers and jewellery, a meal in a luxury restaurant, classic romantic gestures, and mischief on the back seat of Mazda CX-5. Be careful not to spoil the mood; leaving a lasting impression on your beloved’s mind and the seat covers will not be achieved by whispering these sweet nothings into her eye at a tender moment: “This is a rented car….”





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